If you’re a mom you will totally understand. If you aren’t you may witness it as an aunt, uncle, friend, or simply one day will experience it for yourself. The world we live in today is a social and emotional war zone for mothers. 30 years ago social media wasn’t even a word, cell phones didn’t have the ability to text let alone take a picture, and the world didn’t expect mother’s to be the breadwinner and the caregiver.
Society today tells us women need to do it all. We have to wake up everyday to accomplish big things professionally, make dinner, keep a clean house, raise kids, be the perfect wife, and somehow be physically and mentally fit through it all. I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted and have extreme anxiety just reading that. Before I had kids I worked full time and I was darn good at it, but once I gave birth to my first one I wanted to stay home and raise my kids the way I wanted to.
I immediately felt the pressures. I remember the moment I had my first child, people were constantly in my ear telling me how I needed to parent in order to “do it right”. I was damned if I did or damned if I didn’t. The things I read on social media daily were scary. Things and methods my parents did with me as a kid were now being questioned as “safe” and weather or not it was the “right” way to parent.
Today’s mother deals with countless pressures. Like mothers before us, there will be the people closest too us telling us how they did it and how we turned out “just fine”. In today’s society, we now have to deal with social media; complete strangers telling us how we are supposed to be a mom, a women, and a parent.
Whoa….seriously! Can we just take a step back! I don’t need Linda from Stockbridge, Massachusetts telling me how using plastic plates for my kids will cause them cancer and “how dare I poison my children’s body” as if it is my fault they would ever get sick.
People, lets get something straight, if I don’t know you and I didn’t ask for your opinion please keep it to yourself. I’m over here drowning as it is just trying to get my kids to listen and obey let alone worry about the amount of aluminum in their cup or if the diapers I put on my daughter aren’t 100% organic made from sheep’s wool to keep her bum from getting a rash.
The world we live in is constantly telling us we’re not enough or we’re not doing the best for our family/children/selves. Stop there for a second. I’m now supposed to be Wonder Woman, Betty Crocker, June Cleaver, and Oprah Winfrey!? Yikes, that sounds like too much for my bucket. I’m over here happy with the Betty Crocker meets Lois from Malcolm in the Middle that I’ve become. If I ever even tried to conquer the others you’ll be seeing me in the loony bin shortly after.
A wise woman, 30 years my senior frequently discusses this topic with me. She’s amazed how we as women keep it together today with all these pressures and expectations in motherhood. The first time I heard that come out of her mouth I thought to myself “finally”. Finally it’s validated by someone other than myself that the anxiety and stress I feel from the world telling me how to be a mother and woman is just too much. When I worked I was told I should feel guilty for leaving my kids and why would I want someone else to raise them. Now that I don’t work, the world tells me I’m setting a bad example for my daughter as a woman. They say I need to be building an empire or a CEO of a big firm to show her women can do anything.
There’s only one way to stop this insane amount of expectations and stress put on mothers today: we as women need to stop! We need to stop mom shaming each other. We need to stop inserting our opinions and “expertise” when we’re not asked for it. We need to stop inferring our choices in parenting are the “only” and “right” way of doing it. We need to stop putting ridiculous amounts of pressure on each other with expectations of what “today’s woman” needs to look like.
We get it, you breastfed your child for 18 months…congrats! No one’s arguing it’s not the healthiest option for children, but unfortunately this isn’t possible for everyone. I breastfed by first till he was 11 months old but only made it to 6 months with my second. It doesn’t make me less of a mother at all. I was working a full time job and unfortunately the reality is meetings, the hour drive home, and countless other factors made it increasingly hard. I struggled to make it to 6 months and dealt with production shortage a few times because of my lack of consistency. It was hard, I cried, and I felt like a terrible mom. Some mom’s simply have trouble with their supply from the beginning and as much as they want to breastfeed, they simply can’t. We need to stop making comments about each other, specially in such a hateful way.
I’m not saying I’m perfect at all. I’ve done and said some things before that now haunt me. We live and we learn in this thing called motherhood, so lets try lifting each other up and be there to support one another. Let’s take a step back and put ourselves in each others shoes. Maybe the mom strolling through the grocery store while her kids are fighting and crying has had a really rough day and is trying to practice patience before she loses it. Perhaps the mom who looks like she just rolled out of bed just experienced a sleepless night because she was up with a sick baby. Maybe the mom at the restaurant with her child on the iPad couldn’t be cooped up at home anymore in fear of losing her mind and needed a nice quiet meal so the iPad helped provide the ideal situation
We also need to stop taking everything as an attack. Let’s be each others cheerleader. When Sarah down the street posts a video of her 15 month old saying her alphabet, instead of the jealousy or disgust we feel towards them let’s praise those accomplishments. We are mothers and we want to brag on our kids…that is OKAY! It is our job as parents to brag on our kids and lift them up. It doesn’t mean it is a slap in the face to everyone else whose child can’t do that. If you compared my kids you’d immediately think my youngest is a genius and my middle is dumb. No, they all develop at different rates and personally as a mother I get overjoyed when my children accomplish things, no matter what age it’s at. We want to share these accomplishments with the world.
I encourage each and every person out there whether you’re a mother or not to practice grace this week with all the moms in your life. Perhaps taking the time to tell them you think they’re doing a good job, taking the time to listen to them, or even offering to help.
To all the moms out there- you’re doing a great job! You’re not alone, and if you ever need to talk we’re all here to listen.
With love,
Jackie
Well put, mama! I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve shared. It definitely is hard to be a mother in today’s society. We need to just stay in our lane, and raise our babes to the best of our abilities. I think the constant pressure definitely has contributed to an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety, that wasn’t necessarily as present as before.
For sure. It’s a whole new world trying to juggle all the stress and pressure with making the right choices for our kids and ourselves.